Are you an Approval Addict (Part 1)?

PicMonkey-approval

  • Does criticism affect you easily, especially when it comes from your loved ones?
  • Do you find giving up your likes, interests to please people?
  • Do you need other people’s approval to be happy?
  • Do you find yourself being, or doing things you hate, just to win others approval?
  • Does your worth depend upon your popularity, accomplishments or other people’s approval?

Hello Everyone!!

Recently, I filled in a questionnaire and the results declared that I am an Approval addict.This really got me thinking. I like being appreciated (who doesn’t), but has it become a need? Generally, I am not moved by other people’s opinion or approval. But I realized that there are people whose approval means a lot to me and I often act in ways which put me under immense stress or a tight spot. All this, to keep my loved ones happy and to gain their approval-love-respect.

What a paradox..!! If you read the last lines again, you might just catch the distortion in my thinking. Don’t confuse approval for acceptance, love or respect. Your loved ones may not approve of your clothes/habits/friends etc but this does not mean that their love or your relationship with them vanishes into thin air.

Let me be clear, wanting approval is not bad, but needing it, is futile and harmful.  Why?

  • Because the parameter for self-worth changes to how others view you as.
  • Because feeling good about yourself/ your work is mainly determined by other people’s approval.
  • Because other’s approval makes you more vulnerable to being manipulated by them.
  • Because your actions are largely influenced by how others’ react to them.
  • Because it is difficult to please everyone at all times.
  • Because you cannot hide behind a facade forever.
  • Because self-reliance is the most liberating thing in the world.
  • Because you cannot stop doing things which make you happy, just to be in line with a general-ambiguous diktat.
  • Because you need to act, think and speak like YOU!!
  • Because the whole world is not going to work towards your happiness. But, you need to!!

So stop craving, needing approval. You need to be sure about yourself. You need to have faith in YOU. Its’ nice if people are happy with what you are doing. But don’t make your world end, lose confidence, or evaluate yourself harshly; just because they have withdrawn their leash of approval.

Needing approval for all your actions is giving your reins of

happiness, freedom in some other person’s hand.

Your happiness and worth is determined by you and only YOU 🙂

Mind your wings

But don’t cut them just because someone disapproves of them 🙂 🙂

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2 comments

  1. gettingthroughanxiety · October 12, 2015

    Thank you SO much for writing this post. Unfortunately, I can relate especially with one family member in particular. I find myself asking her after we go somewhere together if I “did well”. The problem is that in general she’s not overly supportive and she’s also a perfectionist, so when it comes to saying I did well, even if I feel I did, she doesn’t always agree. It doesn’t bother me if her opinion isn’t exactly what I wanted (after all, I do want the truth from her), however I’ve noticed that if she doesn’t think I did a good job at getting through my anxiety, I feel upset and even more anxious.

    There was also a time when I didn’t want to go somewhere because when I go, I feel as if no one really appreciates my presence. The person that I spoke of above who I find myself seeking approval from seemed to be trying everything to make me feel guilty about not going. However, I knew that going could make me feel less than good about myself, so I chose not to and it made all the difference.

    Like

    • mindyourwings · October 13, 2015

      We all look for approval from some person in our life… But if they think we could have done better… we must take it constructively!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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