- Does criticism affect you easily, especially when it comes from your loved ones?
- Do you find giving up your likes, interests to please people?
- Do you need other people’s approval to be happy?
- Do you find yourself being, or doing things you hate, just to win others approval?
- Does your worth depend upon your popularity, accomplishments or other people’s approval?
Recently, I filled in a questionnaire and the results declared that I am an Approval addict.This really got me thinking. I like being appreciated (who doesn’t), but has it become a need? Generally, I am not moved by other people’s opinion or approval. But I realized that there are people whose approval means a lot to me and I often act in ways which put me under immense stress or a tight spot. All this, to keep my loved ones happy and to gain their approval-love-respect.
What a paradox..!! If you read the last lines again, you might just catch the distortion in my thinking. Don’t confuse approval for acceptance, love or respect. Your loved ones may not approve of your clothes/habits/friends etc but this does not mean that their love or your relationship with them vanishes into thin air.
Let me be clear, wanting approval is not bad, but needing it, is futile and harmful. Why?
- Because the parameter for self-worth changes to how others view you as.
- Because feeling good about yourself/ your work is mainly determined by other people’s approval.
- Because other’s approval makes you more vulnerable to being manipulated by them.
- Because your actions are largely influenced by how others’ react to them.
- Because it is difficult to please everyone at all times.
- Because you cannot hide behind a facade forever.
- Because self-reliance is the most liberating thing in the world.
- Because you cannot stop doing things which make you happy, just to be in line with a general-ambiguous diktat.
- Because you need to act, think and speak like YOU!!
- Because the whole world is not going to work towards your happiness. But, you need to!!
So stop craving, needing approval. You need to be sure about yourself. You need to have faith in YOU. Its’ nice if people are happy with what you are doing. But don’t make your world end, lose confidence, or evaluate yourself harshly; just because they have withdrawn their leash of approval.
Needing approval for all your actions is giving your reins of
happiness, freedom in some other person’s hand.
Your happiness and worth is determined by you and only YOU 🙂
Mind your wings
But don’t cut them just because someone disapproves of them 🙂 🙂